Orgasm for a man is a time bomb. A guarantee predicated on evolutionary survival.

Orgasm for a man is a time bomb. A guarantee predicated on evolutionary survival.

Congratulations, men, you came. Whoopty-fucking-do.

For a man, the orgasm is not something to be proud of, something to recite and excite, hell its not even a fucking journey. The orgasm for a man is simply a foregone conclusion. It is a back-room handshake deal between God and Mother Nature for evolutionary survival. A man’s release of sexual tension is not the same as climbing a mountain- there is no sense of accomplishment. Be aware and beware. This speaks to something deeper lurking in the male psyche which has been propelled by generations of male dominance. Caught somewhere between conspiracy and entitlement, men should own up to the fact that the pinnacle of our sexual experience is a product of evolution not skill, work ethic or charisma- like earning 20% more salary. 

Am I bitching? No. There was a time when a man went to work, provided for the family and in exchange, when he walked through the door, the smell of a dinner smacked him across the face. The products of that generation, those who grew up with the tradeoff their fathers made with their mothers, have been fighting the changing paradigms ever since. But you did not earn that situation. It was predicated on survival by a myriad of male dominated Western civilizations. Adam and Eve ate the damn apple, so she bears children and he goes to work. Good job Bible. 

Perhaps we instead descended from a number of Native American tribes who had gender equality in the ranks of leadership and idolization, then maybe sex wouldn’t be so one-sided. But then again, they lost the war and were decimated by the ancestors of the future football players of America. Thus winning prevailed. And that’s the problem. Men want to talk about how they conquered a woman, their girlfriend, a random hottie at the bar, but are you really winning if she’s masturbating behind your back? 

Having an orgasm is a shared experience, something coaxed from love, pleasure, passion, euphoria, hate, dominance, power and maybe a finger in the ass. For men it is a race. And winning matters. How else do we establish a hierarchy? Men need a lesson in repression. Look, women have sex, it takes two to tango, but to bring a woman to orgasm takes finesse, thought, insight, listening- for a guy it takes lotion. 

Men are entitled. What everyone with a Y chromosome must understand is that pleasure is hard-wired into our very existence. Men must orgasm otherwise the human species ceases to exist. No, spreading your seed like bees to Mapplethorpe flowers is not considered fucking charity. So quit patting yourselves on the backs every time you get laid, life is measured by what you give not by what you take.

The Bible could be re-written in one sentence:

The Bible could be re-written in one sentence: